FAILFAILFAILFAIL

A look back at 2014...two months later.

On December 31, 2013, I made these "resolutions": 

1. Keep a food diary

2. Keep a spending diary

3. January

     A. Vegan diet Jan. 5-25

     B. Only drink 1X/week

4. Say no more often - even to yourself!

5. Gym at least 3X/week: cardio 3X, arms, legs, abs

6. Read at least one book per month - alternate fiction, non-fiction

7. Start a positivity jar

8. Try something new each month

9. STICK TO MEAL PLAN AND SHOPPING LISTS!

10. AM: News? Vits, supplements

      PM: Moisturize, brush, floss, rinse

11. Write everyday

+ 1 other that I am going to keep private. Gotta save something for myself!

Gosh, I was cute back then. So naive. So innocent. So idealistic. 

I've failed at most of these.

1: I've been using MyFitnessPal almost every day, but I fell off for about a week and I'm about to give up until Monday again. There have been many days when I counted calories, but went way, way, way over my limit, which kind of defeats the purpose. Plus I've gained back half the weight that I lost and I'm on track to gaining the other half, too.

2: I've been pretty good about this since January, although it's easy to forget transactions when I don't get a receipt or when I pay cash (I typically only keep track of ATM withdrawals and debit card usage). However, just because I'm writing down my spending habits doesn't mean I'm sticking to any sort of budget or saving my money. And I certainly haven't been keeping track of credit card purchases. Again, the purpose has been defeated. I'm still counting down the days until the next pay day...sometimes on pay day.

I'm like...

When I should be like...

3. A) We know by now that my vegan experiment was - generally - a success. However, since the Super Bowl, I've had a very hard time being disciplined enough not to cheat - often - when I'm hanging out with friends. I've been more social than usual and dining out more often this month, which increases the challenge. And even when I'm keeping vegan, that doesn't mean I'm keeping within my calorie goals (like last night's 3 vegan tacos, margaritas, and a giant vegan chipwich). 

B) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That lasted until I had a 3-day weekend for Martin Luther King Day. I have a dream that one day craft beer will be low in calories.

Some days after work, I'd think

But I'd resist. And then on Friday, I'd be like

And then, even though I reached my one day quota, on Saturday, I'd say

And then eventually, work days turned into this:

...leading me to this:

4. I haven't really been keeping track of this one. I feel spread very thin, so I'm probably not practicing this one, either. I think the only thing I've said no to is the gym.

5. ...speaking of the gym. I think I've gone 3 times this year. I'm too tired and I feel like I never even get the chance to sit down. Plus, if I don't start on a Monday, the entire week is shot.

6. So far, so good, but I know that I am not going to finish my current read in the next 2 days. UGH. Check off another failure.

7. I contributed to my positivity jar until early February. Most of my notes were stupid and in order to remember where I left off, I'd have to dump them all out and read them. Meh. 

http://jubilantlybeautiful.wordpress.com/

I also started a money jar, although I never made that an "official" resolution. However, when I left my wallet at work, I "borrowed" from the money jar to buy beer and vegan cupcakes. I never paid it back or added more cash and now I owe it $45.

8. Remember when I signed up for a Constitutional Law course at Yale on Courseara? I've deleted every e-mail they've sent me. I don't think I've tried anything new this year, unless foods count. Oh wait, that's kind of a lie. Also, blogging and letting people actually read it is something new. Okay, so I've kind of succeeded at this one.

9. I will never stick to meal plans and shopping lists. First of all, they suck to make. Secondly, meal plans are hard when my days - and my cravings - are unpredictable. Something that tastes delicious on Tuesday may sound unappetizing on Wednesday. And how am I supposed to resist things like cookie dough and marshmallow Oreos? I'm clearly never going to put those on my shopping list, but when they are on sale for 2/$6, they're going in my cart. (Oreos are vegan, BTW).

10. I rarely have time to turn on the news in the morning and I stopped taking vitamins because they were making me nauseated. I will moisturize my face at night when it feels dry, but I somehow missed a nightly brush-floss-rinse session and I never got back into the habit. I fail at hygiene, too. I know, I'm gross. I'm going to be a wrinkly toothless old woman.

11. I had been journaling every night before bed, but it was more like a logbook of my "progress." Then I figured that blogging every day certainly counted as writing. And then I even got lazy with this and I'm not blogging every day. Doing something compulsory every day makes it feel like work and I want to keep this fun.

Why I Do What I Do

This is going to sound totally counterintuitive, but when I was still hungry after dinner today, I spent 45 minutes in the kitchen prepping future meals/snacks and I'm no longer hungry. I think it's pretty clear that much of my eating - particularly my nighttime snacking - has been a result of boredom. 

I still have quite a few calories in my allowance today, but I accidentally broke vegan today...by unintentionally eating half of my angora sweater (the other half ended up in my left eye). I know, I know, what kind of a vegan wears angora? 

My reasons for starting a vegan diet are self-centered and have nothing to do with my thoughts about animals (sorry if that makes me sound like an ass, but it's true). The way I felt after a night of bingeing on dairy and some meat reinforced my rationale. 

I am, by nature, a whiner and a complainer - at least I worry that's how I come off to others; I prefer to think of myself more as an observant person with an endearing penchant for kvetching. 

I also suffer from bitchy resting face. For those of you who are not familiar with the condition, here is an informational video:

Since I stopped eating animal products, I must say that my attitude has improved greatly and I often find myself with a smile on my face for no good reason (although does one need a "good" reason to smile?). Like I mentioned before, I rarely get road rage anymore - in general, my moods feel a lot more stable and a lot more positive. People have even told me that it seems like I'm in better spirits. Why would I want to give this up?

More importantly, my anxiety level has been almost nonexistent. I've suffered from anxiety and panic attacks since childhood and maybe it's coincidental and/or maybe it's all in my head, but I haven't felt my typical nerves for most of 2014 (besides my MRI and the morning after drowning myself in buffalo chicken dip). I'd always known that changing some of my lifestyle habits would make me feel better, but I was never willing to try. Now that I know that simply altering what I eat can make a world of difference in my moods, I wish I had done it years ago. 

Any weight loss that comes with this diet is an added bonus. I'll take a loss of mood swings any day. 

P.S. Tonight's dinner - a chik'n patty with guacamole hummus and fresh salsa on a multigrain sandwich thin = divine. People have also asked me how I deal with my cravings, but this is what I crave now (well, I also craved a baked potato today).

A New Beginning

It's 10:20 AM on a Monday and my body has never been so thankful for kale, almond milk, and fruit. Oh my GOD, this smoothie is amazing. It tastes pretty good, but it just feels like...soothing? It just feels right. It's like drinking happy. 

Mmmm, 7 supplements

Breakfast: Coffee with almond milk, Rawjuvenate smoothie with 1 banana, 1 cup kale, 1 cup frozen pineapple, 1 cup almond milk

It's 12:41 PM and I'm eating a salad that's made up of arugula and spinach that's pretty wilty and it still feels oh-so-amazing. Greens, carrots, red cabbage, grape tomatoes, balsamic vinaigrette...do I hear angels singing? I can't shovel this into my face fast enough. 

Now I've moved on to a satay peanut "salad." I really need to slow down, but this tastes like candy. Fresh vegetables. Wowwwww. This was supposed to be my dinner, but I got too excited to make it. 

Lunch: Green salad, Ronzoni Garden Delight fettuccine with sugar snap peas, baby bok choy, radishes, and yellow squash in a peanut sauce - Recipe here (substitute yellow squash for Japanese eggplant and raw agave for honey to make it vegan; omit sriracha if you're like me and also throw everything together in the pot at the end and heat for a little while longer to help melt the peanut butter and cook the noodles more). Note: This makes 4 very small servings (3 oz. of pasta divided by 4?! I was housing 4x that back in '87).

Oh, did I mention I'm home on another snow day? Normally, a snow day on the Monday after the Super Bowl would be a godsend, but I've really just had it with snow. And this appears to be a big storm that is going to dump close to a foot all over and around my car. It's going to snow until dark, at which point I am not going to want to shovel even more than I already don't want to shovel. 

I've already prepared two meals, filed and organized the 2-foot stack of documents I've been neglecting, cleaned out my closet and dresser, and watched a movie. NOW WHAT? Okay, (most) photos on my computer are appropriately filed now...my kitchen is a wreck and I need to mop my floor and scoop the litter box and organize my receipts/finances, but I am avoiding all of those things. I could take a nap, but I'm honestly not that tired. I am actually kind of nauseous. I really feel like I have a food hangover from all of the garbage I ate yesterday. 

It's 5:18 PM and I'm starving and angry and sweaty and my hands feel as dry as sandpaper. I am eating comfort food, watching The League, and trying to breathe. 

Let me back up to 2 hours ago. My poor friend Flynn, who lives a few miles away, is on crutches recuperating from surgery and needed something from CVS (which is basically across the street from my house). My street looked messy but passable and I knew I would not want to dig out my plowed-in car at 6 AM tomorrow. I also knew that if I went out, I could pick up the tomato soup I had been coveting all day. I agreed to attempt the trip. Luckily, I never returned Andrew's shovel and I was able to dig/drive myself out of my parking spot in about 15 minutes (they really got me in there good this time). The CVS parking lot was a mess, but I managed to get in and out of it and I took the highway to Flynn's, so the roadway was clear.   

His parking lot was not.

Fortunately, there was a clear spot so I snagged it, knowing that I would only be a few minutes.

I was only a few minutes.

I could not get the hell out of that parking spot. 

I tried shoveling. Driving. Reversing. Pushing. Cursing. Screaming. 

Finally, after about a half hour, I was able to get the hell out of that godforsaken parking lot. All I could think about was "I deserve a beer" (I have, like, one chocolate cherry bock. I don't even want it).


Instead, I settled for dinner and my snow day craving: a cup of Campbell's tomato soup and grilled cheese with 3 slices of Tofutti cheese on a Trader Joe's sandwich thin.

So. So. So. GOOD.

Now that I've entered snow shoveling into My Fitness Pal, I have some caloric leeway for the rest of the night. I'm going to shower, wind down, and try not to eat anything else. It's been a surprisingly exhausting (but productive) day off.

Day Twenty: A quick but late post

I don't know if it's the vegan diet or the garcinia cambogia, but every morning that I get on the scale, I seem to weigh about 1 lb. less. That puts me at 8 lbs. down so far! I can make my stomach flat when I suck it in and my love handles are significantly reduced and almost non-existent (that's what I always notice first). It probably helps that last night, I decided to nap while the dishwasher ran (I needed that damn Ninja again) and when I woke up, I decided that I was tired enough to just go to bed without dinner. So here's how yesterday went: 

Totals	725	123	16	34	1,284	23
Your Daily Goal	1,200	150	40	60	2,300	45
Remaining	475	27	24	26	1,016	22
	Calories	Carbs	Fat	Protein	Sodium	Sugar

This should be a quick post becaue I didn't eat anything new and exciting yesterday and didn't eat much, period.

For breakfast I had the same smoothie + blueberries I had for dinner the night before. Of course when I was in a rush in the morning, it came out so thick it would barely pour from the pitcher. Plus I worried about walking around work with blue lips all day. 

For lunch I had vegatable stir fry leftovers.

I forgot to eat the hummus and celery I had packed for a snack. Then I left it in my car overnight, but it's been so cold, it's probably still good. I did try some delicious Brad's Raw Leafy Kale chips that Nancy brought in and their vegan cheese satisfied my cheese craving (temporarily; I did buy Tofutti cheese and a Tofutti pizza on my way home from work).

I finally had all of the ingredients for the vegan burgers and the satay noodle salad I want to make. I was set on the vegan burgers for dinner, especially because of the tofutti cheese. Alas, the Ninja was dirty again. I was famished so I snacked on a serving of Trader Joe's pretzel flats. Then I deciced to take an hour-long 6 pm nap while the dishwasher ran. I ended up waking up around 7:30 and after 15 groggy minutes out of bed, I decided to forget it and go to bed for the night.

A round-up of recipes and shout-outs

First of all, I owe a shout out to my friend Tracee in San Diego who is like my 2014 twin. We have so many of the same resolutions and we are making many of the same changes this year. I know that we will both succeed and she is doing an awesome job so far! 

OMG take me back to June 2012 when I was tan, skinny, and in California, wine tasting in a gigantic hat

Thanks to LaToya for this free e-book of healthy recipes: Chronicle Books for Cooks: Eating Well Made Delicious and for posting this inspiring video (I teared up at Day 90):

Thank you to Steve for feeding my Portlandia addiction with this cookbook.

Thank you, Saira for this recipe and lifestyle website that looks pretty, too!

Briele, muchas gracias for this list of popular Greek and Mediterranean recipes made vegan...now find me a Mexican version!

Evita, I will definitely be checking out Betty Goes Vegan. :)

Emily hooked me up with two sites!: The Simple Veganista (ooh, this one looks pretty, too) and This Rawsome Vegan Life (next challenge?)

And I have to give a HUGE thank you to Kristy and Joanne for recommending My Fitness Pal. I've made the switch from Lose It and it's awesooooooome!

Daily post to come soon!

Day Two

Well, I have two pieces of sorta-good news. #1, I just got this e-mail:

...and that's just in the past 5 days (probably mostly in the last 2, though!). And #2, it may be too early to sing the praises of garcinia cambogia, but I've been taking the supplement for a few days now and it really seems to be blocking my appetite. I'm currently sitting in front of 2/3 of my dinner, wondering if I even want any more. I did the same at lunch. I even resisted all of the snacks at work today (except my co-worker's amazing hummus, which thankfully made my leftovers bearable). Did I mention that we have work parties, like, every day? We definitely love our food, so I was proud of myself for resisting all of the chocolate, cookies, and leftover holiday goodies that nobody wants in her house after ringing in the New Year.

I'm pretty sure I'm done eating for the day (and I might even put half of my dinner in the fridge) so here are my totals (which will obviously go down if I do):

Fat: 11 g

Carbs: 249 g (OK, WTF, really?)

Protein: 54 g

Calories: 1,313 (101 under budget! Woohoo!)

I didn't make it to the gym yesterday due to staying out too late on Saturday night, and I didn't make it today due to leaving my headphones at home (classic excuse, right?). One of these days, I'll make it (I'm looking at you, Wednesday) and then I'll be in a good place, calorie-wise! But what's up with these carbs? Vegan friends, please weigh in! Do I have to give up bacon, cheese, and potatoes? And couscous? Ay dios mio. 

Here's my breakdown of the day -

Breakfast: Cinnamon Toast Crunch (3/4 cup) with Silk Almond milk (1/2 cup)

I woke up at 5:20 this morning using the Sleep Cycle app (shaking my fist that I could technically sleep for another 40 minutes). I usually wake up starving, but I never have time to eat breakfast. I get to work at 7:00 and my lunch break is at 10:23 (seriously), so if I eat anything at all for breakfast, it's usually a granola bar or something (and I just learned the Special K ones I was eating are 360 calories).

Today, I didn't wake up starving. Today, I had time to eat breakfast before I left the house (standing over the kitchen counter, making coffee). Somehow, that measly 3/4 cup of the food of the gods, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, satisfied me. I could house an entire box of that stuff, but I was good. I grabbed my coffee and almond milk to go and then resisted that table of snacks in my office (I did have another black coffee with one Splenda to make up for the extra 40 minutes of sleep I usually get).

Lunch: Colossally Disappointing Spaghetti with Grilled Asparagus, Peas, and Lemon (Where?)

I was pretty excited to make this yesterday because I like the idea of peas in pasta and I like lemony pasta as well. I'll tell you how to do it (and then why you shouldn't bother).

Normally, these would be an awesome side

I tossed 8 stalks of asparagus in 2 tablespoons of lemon juice and 2 minced garlic cloves (to be honest, I probably used 3 or 4. I usually double the garlic that recipes call for). Then I grilled these in a grill pan (duh) on the stove top just until they got a little dark. I put these aside and cut them into threes.

I made the pasta - the recipe called for fettuccine and, I kid you not, I did not find any at Trader Joe's. I used spaghetti instead. Six ounces. SIX OUNCES. This recipe is for TWO SERVINGS. Who eats THREE OUNCES OF PASTA at a time? I live in NEW JERSEY. My mother is ITALIAN. Pasta should be eaten, like, by the box. I was going to have to limit myself to three measly ounces of pasta? I felt like this: 

That left me with peas: I bought a bag of English peas in the produce section of Trader Joe's, so I steamed them in the microwave. When the pasta was done, I drained it and tossed it with the veggies. I also added about 2 tablespoons of minced fresh parsley, which I just decided that I hate. This was basically a bowl of peas with a few strands of spaghetti and some bitterish roughage. I could taste the lemon if I ate a piece of asparagus by itself, but that flavor was lost if I had a bite of everything together. And did I mention how starchy this was? Pasta needs some kind of sauce, people. Next time I'd toss it with some lemon and white wine, perhaps. I guess I should be avoiding olive oil.

Oh there's more...I also made Baked Marinated Chickpeas. 

These smelled like the best thing in the world while they were cooking, but I screwed up the recipe by using two cans of chick peas rather than two cups. After rinsing, these get mixed with a tablespoon of balsamic vinegar, 2 1/2 tablespoons of tamari, 1/2 teaspoon of dried thyme, and 1/2 teaspoon of pure maple syrup. Then they're baked at 400 for about 20-25 minutes. Since the bean to dressing ratio was off, they came out a little dry. I ate them with my dinner, but the ones I brought for lunch are still in the fridge at work.

Dry beans and pasta-less pasta

Jen's homemade hummus saved my leftovers

Nutrition Facts

Pasta

Calories: 385
Fat: 5 g
Sat Fat: 1 g
Cholesterol: 0 mg
Protein: 15.6 g
Carbs: 71 g
Sugar: 6.5 g
Fiber: 3.8 g
Sodium: 165 mg

Beans

Calories: 285
Fat: 4.3 g
Sat Fat: 0.4 g
Cholesterol: 0 mg
Protein: 15 g
Carbs: 48 g
Sugar: 3 g
Fiber: 10.2 g
Sodium: 432 mg

Dinner: Moroccan Bean Stew with Sweet Potatoes

I served this over a serving of Trader Joe's whole wheat couscous. The recipe makes 6 servings, so I'll be eating this for a while. Luckily, it's pretty good.

I mixed together: 1 teaspoon cumin seed, 3/4 teaspoon ground cumin, 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon, 1 teaspoon ground coriander, 1/2 teaspoon turmeric, 1/2 teaspoon fennel seeds, 1 teaspoon dried basil, a couple of grinds a sea salt, a sprinkling of chili powder (insert footnote here), and black pepper.

OK, footnote: The recipe actually called for a few (optional) pinches of cayenne pepper. I used my cayenne not too long ago, and it looked a little weird when I opened it...like, cobwebby. I figured it had just been sitting too long, unused, and I used some of it. Today, when I opened my cayenne, it was not only still cobwebby, but it had A FRIGGIN FLY IN IT. A living being hatched in my cayenne pepper. AND I ATE IT NOT THAT LONG AGO. Gag. I did not take a picture of my cayenne fly (okay, appetite fully gone), but here is how lovely the spices looked:

These went in a big pot on medium with a tablespoon of water. Instant smoke. I think I've inhaled more spices in the last two days than...well, I don't usually inhale spices so I don't know. I'm not used to this cooking without oil thing.

Shadowy iPhone photography

After a few minutes, I dumped in 1 1/2 cups of diced (or whatever sloppy technique I used) yellow onion, 4 (or 6) minced garlic cloves, and 3 1/2 cups of diced sweet potatoes (not peeled). I let this cook for about 8 minutes, stirring frequently because it was still very dry. Between yesterday's curry and today's...well, everything...I probably smell like a spice market. 

After that, I finally got to add some liquids - 3 cups of low-sodium vegetable broth and 3 1/2 cups of water. I also added a 14 ounce can of black beans and a 14 ounce can of chickpeas (both rinsed and drained) and a cup of dry red lentils (also rinsed). Once this boiled, I reduced the heat to medium-low and cooked, covered, for about 20 minutes. The recipe calls for fresh grated ginger on top, but my grater is dirty. I just sprinkled on some ground ginger and served it all on top of some couscous. 

The final product 

I'm not totally blown away by awesomeness, but this is hearty and pretty good. I prefer yesterday's curried tomato lentil soup, but this is even more filling. And the run down: 

Calories: 381
Fat: 2.8 g
Sat Fat: .3 g
Cholesterol: 0 mg
Protein: 21 g
Carbs: 71 g (COME ON!)
Sugar: 7.5 g
Fiber: 19.2 g
Sodium: 397 mg

And today's snacks: I had another oatmeal banana bite and this one was drier than the first. Next time I'll pop it in the microwave for a few seconds. OH, and I had one grape tomato. 

...until tomorrow! 

My Inspiration

I am a little girl. I'm embellishing when I say that I'm 5'3". I didn't break 100 lbs. until after high school graduation. When I got my drivers license, my best friend and I made a pact to eat at McDonald's every day, partially because we wanted to gain weight and partially because we were just gross, apparently (oh, and there was nothing else to do in the suburbs besides eat junk and hang out in parking lots). 

I'm not saying any of this to brag (however, as I've told Laura, I think Morgan Spurlock owes us something for stealing our idea which, by the way, did not last very long). I'm saying this because as I'm nearing thirty, my metabolism has suddenly hit a wall and I have packed on more pounds in the past year than I ever have. I can't fit into most of my clothes, I don't feel good about the way I look, and I just feel gross, health-wise. 

As I'm writing this, my brother posts this on Facebook: A Science Teacher Lost 37 Pounds From Eating Nothing But McDonald’s. 

OK, back to the point: I'm tired of being a tomato on toothpicks (another term Laura and I came up with to describe small-framed people with skinny limbs and bigger guts). And okay, maybe those bottom toothpicks are getting less toothpicky. I'm tired of almost always having a stomachache. I decided to make a serious change to my diet and keep track of my progress here: I'm hopping on the 21-day-vegan bandwagon (maybe the bandwagon is 22 days; I don't know, ask Bey-Z).

Did I mention that I'm incredibly lazy, terrible at follow through, and I'm obsessed with bacon and cheese?  Like, I could live on this:

Photo Cred: Just Putzing Around the Kitchen, which just went on my Bookmarks bar

Hopefully blogging will keep me motivated. I'm also one of those a-holes who constantly takes pictures of food, so this provides a legit outlet for that. 

Now I'm going to go take a nap because it's too damn dreary to go to the gym today.