A New Beginning

It's 10:20 AM on a Monday and my body has never been so thankful for kale, almond milk, and fruit. Oh my GOD, this smoothie is amazing. It tastes pretty good, but it just feels like...soothing? It just feels right. It's like drinking happy. 

Mmmm, 7 supplements

Breakfast: Coffee with almond milk, Rawjuvenate smoothie with 1 banana, 1 cup kale, 1 cup frozen pineapple, 1 cup almond milk

It's 12:41 PM and I'm eating a salad that's made up of arugula and spinach that's pretty wilty and it still feels oh-so-amazing. Greens, carrots, red cabbage, grape tomatoes, balsamic vinaigrette...do I hear angels singing? I can't shovel this into my face fast enough. 

Now I've moved on to a satay peanut "salad." I really need to slow down, but this tastes like candy. Fresh vegetables. Wowwwww. This was supposed to be my dinner, but I got too excited to make it. 

Lunch: Green salad, Ronzoni Garden Delight fettuccine with sugar snap peas, baby bok choy, radishes, and yellow squash in a peanut sauce - Recipe here (substitute yellow squash for Japanese eggplant and raw agave for honey to make it vegan; omit sriracha if you're like me and also throw everything together in the pot at the end and heat for a little while longer to help melt the peanut butter and cook the noodles more). Note: This makes 4 very small servings (3 oz. of pasta divided by 4?! I was housing 4x that back in '87).

Oh, did I mention I'm home on another snow day? Normally, a snow day on the Monday after the Super Bowl would be a godsend, but I've really just had it with snow. And this appears to be a big storm that is going to dump close to a foot all over and around my car. It's going to snow until dark, at which point I am not going to want to shovel even more than I already don't want to shovel. 

I've already prepared two meals, filed and organized the 2-foot stack of documents I've been neglecting, cleaned out my closet and dresser, and watched a movie. NOW WHAT? Okay, (most) photos on my computer are appropriately filed now...my kitchen is a wreck and I need to mop my floor and scoop the litter box and organize my receipts/finances, but I am avoiding all of those things. I could take a nap, but I'm honestly not that tired. I am actually kind of nauseous. I really feel like I have a food hangover from all of the garbage I ate yesterday. 

It's 5:18 PM and I'm starving and angry and sweaty and my hands feel as dry as sandpaper. I am eating comfort food, watching The League, and trying to breathe. 

Let me back up to 2 hours ago. My poor friend Flynn, who lives a few miles away, is on crutches recuperating from surgery and needed something from CVS (which is basically across the street from my house). My street looked messy but passable and I knew I would not want to dig out my plowed-in car at 6 AM tomorrow. I also knew that if I went out, I could pick up the tomato soup I had been coveting all day. I agreed to attempt the trip. Luckily, I never returned Andrew's shovel and I was able to dig/drive myself out of my parking spot in about 15 minutes (they really got me in there good this time). The CVS parking lot was a mess, but I managed to get in and out of it and I took the highway to Flynn's, so the roadway was clear.   

His parking lot was not.

Fortunately, there was a clear spot so I snagged it, knowing that I would only be a few minutes.

I was only a few minutes.

I could not get the hell out of that parking spot. 

I tried shoveling. Driving. Reversing. Pushing. Cursing. Screaming. 

Finally, after about a half hour, I was able to get the hell out of that godforsaken parking lot. All I could think about was "I deserve a beer" (I have, like, one chocolate cherry bock. I don't even want it).


Instead, I settled for dinner and my snow day craving: a cup of Campbell's tomato soup and grilled cheese with 3 slices of Tofutti cheese on a Trader Joe's sandwich thin.

So. So. So. GOOD.

Now that I've entered snow shoveling into My Fitness Pal, I have some caloric leeway for the rest of the night. I'm going to shower, wind down, and try not to eat anything else. It's been a surprisingly exhausting (but productive) day off.

Day Seventeen: Snow Day Cravings

I am certainly not done eating for the day, but I'm going to post anyway. I will also probably go over my calorie limit since I have a snow day tomorrow and it took me 3 hours to make the 16-mile commute home. The roads were treacherous and terrifying and I need to stress eat and stress drink wine. I don't have anything good to drink, so I probably won't have much, anyway. It's basically just an emergency stash and I think this counts as an emergency. On the other hand, maybe I'll save the wine for tomorrow, when I'll need motivation to dig out my car (thanks again to my awesome co-worker, Andrew, for lending me a shovel! If I had to go buy one on my way home, I never would have made it!). We already have over 6 inches of snow on the ground and we are supposed to get 6 more overnight. Then it's going to get up to a whopping 15 degrees tomorrow. Yes, I'm really going to want to go outside.

For some reason, I couldn't get my act together this morning and I forgot breakfast. I did have - you guessed it - my standard coffee with almond milk.

For lunch, I packed last night's Israeli couscous, seared cauliflower, and a side of white bean hummus with a serving of Wheat Thins (16 crackers - I ended up snacking on this hummus and cracker combo last night, too). Although I picked all of the red peppers out of the couscous, I still could not stomach the cinnamon and vinegar combo. The pearl couscous seemed to get chewier overnight. To be blunt, this recipe sucks. Do not make it. I ate about a quarter of the serving of couscous, if I'm being generous (it was probably more like a tenth) and half of the cauliflower (it still tastes weirdly fishy to me). I did kill all of the white bean hummus and crackers. I really cannot rave enough about that hummus. 

When I got home about 6 hours after lunch, I was obviously still hungry. I had been craving Chinese food on my way home - egg drop soup and noodles and dumplings. Snow days just make me crave junk and comfort foods (grilled cheese and tomato soup!!!). When I went shopping over the weekend, I decided to give Dr. McDougall another try, even though I did not like the vegan tortilla soup I had earlier. This time I bought vegan pad thai noodles, and the preparation was basically the same - add the seasoning packet, fill with water to fill line, microwave for 2 minutes, cover and let sit for 4. When that was all done, I spritzed a little lime juice on top and then crushed 10 peanuts in a plastic bag with a rolling pin and sprinkled the peanut crumbs on top. In retrospect, I should have added green onion but hollllleeeeeeee shhhhhhh this was good. The portion was on the smaller size, but it tasted like legit pad thai - and no sneaky eggs this time! I'm now a full-fledged fan of Dr. McDougall. I'm debating buying his stuff by the case from his website.

After this second late lunch, I decided it was time to veg out and read in bed for a bit. At 6:00, I got up to make my smoothie. This one was no bueno.

This is the height of luxury!

Dinner: Strawberry Kale Green Smoothie

I prepared this smoothie according to the directions, with 3 tablespoons of vegan protein powder, 1 tablespoon of organic super greens, a cup of almond milk (I use original unsweetened), and 3/4 cup of ice. I didn't want to use up any more bananas, so I added a cup of kale (from the freezer) and a cup of sliced strawberries. 

Side note: The green sludge from yesterday's smoothie did not wash off the inside of the Ninja lid in the dishwasher, which completely grossed me out.

Additional side note: This came out an even darker, slimy green mud color. 

Oh, also, this was pretty gross. It definitely missed the sweetness of the banana and the vanilla. It actually tasted a bit sour, which the strawberries may have added to (they were not completely ripe yet). It's also chalky. It took me about a half hour to get through it (this seemed to make around a pint), but I got used to it as I went on. 

Without going into too much detail about my bowels, let's just say that this smoothie did what it was supposed to do and it did it rather quickly.

I followed up with the aloe, probiotic, fiber, and my multivitamin. I've noticed that I've been feeling colder since I started my vegan diet, but I am taking 100% daily value of iron every day. This could be my Raynaud's, but it's not just my fingers, toes, and nose that feel cold (although those are the worst). I thought about doing an hour of yoga (my Roku has a fitness channel with streaming exercises) but since I can't log it into Gympact and I'm so cold and achy, I think I'll settle for a long, hot shower. At least I've resisted wine so far.

Post-Shower Snack: Vegan Oatmeal Cookie and Vegan Hot Cocoa

Remember how I said I loooooove junk/comfort food when the weather is crappy? Well, hallelujah, I have found the remedy! (I'm just hoping my craving for grilled cheese and tomato soup subsides tomorrow; otherwise, I'm walking to Quick Check for bread and soup and slicing up that almond cheese, casein and all). 

I've been mulling over this recipe for a while and I decided that today was the day:

I followed the recipe to a T, except my bananas were not that ripe and therefore a little more difficult to mash. I used Shoprite organic unsweetened applesauce and mashed some more.

I then added the rest of the ingredients:

...and used a teaspoon and my hand to form 16 irregular cookies (my specialty shape) on two cookie sheets sprayed with Smart Balance cooking spray.

Then I baked them on 350 for 20 minutes. The smell was heavenly. However, I remember the same enchanting aroma when I baked oatmeal banana bites on Day One and those came out dry...so I was worried. 

While those baked, I prepared the hot chocolate: 2 tablespoons of unsweetened baking cocoa, 2 tablespoons of light brown sugar, a teaspoon of cinnamon, a teaspoon of vanilla, and a cup of almond milk (I ended up adding more because it looked like the powder would never dissolve). I put this in the microwave for a minute and when I took it out, it was almost cakey on top - but once I stirred it, everything mixed together nicely. I put it in for another 30 seconds and sprinkled some nutmeg on top.

The final result:

Holy Bejesus. The cookie is awesome and a mere 76 calories if you make 16 irregular shapes, too. The hot cocoa is rich and spicy and not sickeningly sweet. That's 158 calories and 25 grams of sugar - a little high. Still, at 234 calories total, this is a decent snack that satisfies my cravings - better than the apple I ate in my marathon commute home. 

I can do a little better, but I can confidently say that I'm done for the day. 

Totals	1,140	192	26	46	1,882	65
Your Daily Goal	1,200	150	40	60	2,300	45
Remaining	60	-42	14	14	418	-20
	Calories	Carbs	Fat	Protein	Sodium	Sugar

Definitely went overboard in carbs and sugar, but it's a snow day! And I don't even want any wine. You know why? I have been so. much. less. stressed. since I stopped eating animal products. Even though (many) parts of my drive home were scary and aggravating, my heart wasn't racing or in my throat and I wasn't screaming obscenities like I typically do if I'm stuck in 45 minutes of summer Shore traffic...or doing a routine drive down any of Monmouth County's super-annoying highways. 

This feels good.

Bonus: Look at this treasure trove of vegan slow cooker recipes I found! 

Day Five and Still Alive!!!

My old work buddy, George, posted something on Facebook recently that really resonated with me today. It's from "Phoenix Theory, the Psychology of Physical Rebirth" by Chris Shugart. Here's the excerpt that was running through my mind all day...

Stage #1: A traumatic event leading to a sudden realization and awakening

My "traumatic event" was having my body fat tested. It was humiliating and it shook me out of a pattern of dietary self-destruction. But traumatic events will vary according to the individual and his or her physique problem.

An overweight person may see a photo of himself that provides a blunt reality check. A skinny guy who thinks he trains hard might get asked by a beautiful woman if he even goes to the gym. A female might get asked how "far along" she is when she isn't even pregnant. A middle-aged man could get a scare from his doctor.

Most people walk around in a willful stupor when it comes to their body and their health. They know they're too fat, too puny, or otherwise out of shape, but they choose not to think about it too much. If they do think about it, they quickly rationalize, make excuses, and push the thought out of their head.

The traumatic event has to be powerful enough to shock them back to reality and sever the downward spiral of physical decay. Because of this, a "breakdown" of sorts is usually experienced. I punched a mirror in an act of self-disgust. Others may break down and cry. But this breakdown isn't a negative experience; it's merely the first step toward change and transformation. Remember, before the phoenix is reborn, he must first burn.

Although the end of the path is a positive physical change, the process — especially this first stage — isn't always pleasant. I doubt the phoenix feels good when dying in flames, but it's a necessary part of his rebirth.

Back in October, I went out for dinner and drinks for my co-worker's birthday. I thought I looked good when I left the house. Then this picture surfaced: 

...and I was like, "Oh, her? She got faaaaaaaat." I realize it's not a great angle and I'm wearing horizontal stripes. But still, I was like, daaaaaamn. I look dumpy as hell.

Did it motivate me?

No.

Today, I decided I that I desperately needed to go buy temporary "fat clothes" because I am so uncomfortable, physically and mentally, in almost everything I own. I also thought it might be an excuse not to do laundry. That experience and that dressing room mirror was my "traumatic event." 

I did okay today. I had way too many carbs and way too much sodium, but I net 937 calories and had very little sugar. Here are the totals, via My Fitness Pal:

Totals	1,490	290	13	63	3,262	50
Your Daily Goal	1,752	219	58	88	2,300	66
Remaining	262	-71	45	25	-962	16
	Calories	Carbs	Fat	Protein	Sodium	Sugar

Breakfast: Green Glamour Smoothie 

Kale FTW!!! This was so, so good and much more filling than I expected a smoothie to be. I whipped it up last night, and only a little bit of it exploded all over my fridge and floor when I dropped my Blender Bottle this morning.

Into my Ninja went: one very ripe banana, one cup of sliced strawberries, half a cup of blueberries, a few blackberries (the recipe called for half a cup, but mine had started to get moldy. I took a risk and used the ones that looked okay. I'll eat mold but not flies), one packed cup of chopped kale, and one cup of almond milk. 

A word about the kale: Kale worries me. I always think I hate it. Maybe I don't. Either way, I read online that a great way to prepare kale for smoothies is to get rid of all the stems and freeze it. I made a bunch of plastic bags full of one cup of kale each and stuck them in the freezer. When you're ready to make a smoothie, you just take the plastic bag out and kind of crush it up in your hands so you get little kale flakes. It makes it almost nonexistent. Yay!

This recipe makes 3 cups, and I drank 2 of them before I left for work this morning (plus coffee/almond milk, duh). 

Uno

Dos

Tres

Lunch: Moroccan bean stew with sweet potatoes and couscous

Ugh, fennel.

Mid-Day Workout: Yes, you read that correctly. How awesome is our school's media specialist for outfitting our media center with a bunch of FitDesks? I graded research papers researched flights to SoCal on my laptop while spinning on the stationary bike for 35 minutes. 

Snacktime: 2 carrots (cut into "sticks;" again, I have no control over the shapes I make with knives) with homemade hummus, 5 strawberries

Dinner: Blue Corn Chip Salad

This is an interesting concoction. First, I spread two cups of Trader Joe's Baked Blue Corn Chips out on a plate. I topped that with TJ's Red Oak Artisan Lettuce (half of the package, ripped into pieces) and then half a can of black beans (I was too lazy to rinse them. Why are canned beans so slimy, smelly, and gross?). On top of that went half a cup of Whole Foods medium salsa (the fresh kind from the refrigerator, not the stuff in a jar). Believe me when I say this stuff is heavenly. Before I went vegan, I knew I had to use up all of the eggs in my house, so I was regularly eating 4 scrambled ones for breakfast topped with this ambrosia. On top of that went a sliced roasted red pepper. And to top it all off, half of a diced tomato, which was totally superfluous. 

I wanted to smother this in guacamole ranch dressing

Overall, it was okay. If you crush up the chips, it makes a nice crunch. I'm going to go throw together another one with the leftovers for tomorrow's lunch...I guess this time, the chips will go on top since I'll need to pack them separately to avoid sogginess. 

The Real Workout: While my clothes were in the dryer at the laundromat (seriously, how disciplined was I today?!), I went to the gym and pounded out 40 minutes on the elliptical. On the way, I caught Lady Gaga and R. Kelly's "Do What U Want" on the radio and then gym time turned into "how many times can one listen to this song?"  (Answer: about 5; the other half of my workout involved sweating profusely to Hardwell). I took the lyrics "do what you want with my body" as inspiration: I'm doing what I want with my body. And it feels damn good. 

Remember when Gaga was "fat"?