Wine & Whine

Why is this so impossible?

And by "this," I mean anything that requires willpower.

I left work a few minutes early today (I end my day with a prep period and didn't have much prepping to do) with the intention of going straight to the gym. As I drove back north, I started to toy with excuses. When I was about 4 miles from my exit, the Parkway turned into a complete standstill. "Well, this sure is annoying," I thought to myself. "Surely, if I have to sit in this for a long period of time, I deserve to go home and veg out." (Because this was my first day back to work, I was feeling extremely exhausted and in need of caffeine. By 9:45 AM, I was already thinking about how my job is akin to running a marathon).

The traffic broke up, no source in sight, and I begrudgingly headed to the gym. First, I had to drop clothes off at the dry cleaners' next door. As I rifled through my gym bag for said blazer and work pants, I realized that I did not have socks with me. CAN'T GO TO THE GYM WITHOUT SOCKS! (This is a common excuse. I didn't see headphones in the bag, either, now that I think of it...this is my second runner-up excuse). After dropping my items off for cleaning/repair, I got back in the car and headed home. 

"Maybe I'll walk to Starbucks and get a coffee," I thought (Then I mapped it...2.5 miles, which includes some spots without a sidewalk...so no). "If my Internet still isn't working, I won't be able to use the computer/Kindle/TV...if that's the case, I'll go back to the gym," was another thought (nope...for once, the Internet is coming through just fine). 

So now what? The longer I sit here (and I've already changed from work clothes to pajamas), the more impossible it will be to work out. Tomorrow I'm already booked solid from the time I leave for work in the morning to 8 pm, the end of the window in which the Internet repairman is supposed to arrive. I didn't get on the "gym horse" last week as planned, because once Monday was shot, Tuesday it poured all day, and Wednesday it snowed, I said, "screw it, I'm on vacation!" I'm sitting in bed looking at Groupons and I'm thisclose to pouring a glass of red wine. 

No...I will cook dinner (OMG it's not even 4:00 yet) and maybe it will be worthy of posting some more. 

........... (that's to signify that 2 hours have passed)

Dinner was good. I've been doing some cleaning up. I still haven't ruled out the gym but I also just got a Kindle and I can't put it down. I guess I could bring it to the gym, but...either way, my gym bag is packed for...wait...I can't go tomorrow...Wednesday looks doubtful (12 hour work day)...OMG. Why oh why can't I afford to just have one job?!

Anyway, let me talk about dinner before I bitch some more. 

I modified yet another Simple Veganista recipe and once again used up some produce that was on the verge of spoiling. Tonight's main dish (after an organic baby greens/sun dried tomato salad) was soba and cucumber noodles with sweet ginger scallion sauce.

First, I made the sauce, which involved slicing all of the non-slimy green onions in my fridge. This was supposed to amount to 3/4 cup, but I did the best I could. I mixed this with about 2 tablespoons of minced, fresh ginger, which I obviously peeled first (and which might have had mold on a nub I cut off). The following also went in: 2 tablespoons of sesame seeds (which seemed a bit excessive), 2 tablespoons of rice vinegar (well, maybe a little more), 2 tablespoons of pure maple syrup, a tablespoon of sesame oil, 2 tablespoons of tamari, and a sprinkle of red pepper flakes.

I let that chill in the fridge while I boiled a large pot of water for the noodles. Side note: I had lo mein noodles on hand, so this technically isn't soba. I bought the lo mein noodles for something else and then forgot what it was. This happens often. Once the water was boiling, I threw in the noodles for 4 minutes. Meanwhile, I prepared the cucumber part of the recipe. 

The recipe calls for one cucumber, julienned or spiralized. I don't have a julienne-r like the recipe called for, but I do have a Pampered Chef Spiral & Slice that I've been dying to use. Of course, I tried to use it before reading the directions and that made the tool spit out thin cucumber quarters instead of spirals. Even after I read the directions, I didn't get it quite right, but practice will make perfect. I spiralized my least mushy cucumber and threw it together with about 1/2 cup of chopped cilantro.

After the noodles were done, I drained them using my Pampered Chef Scoop and Drain (probably great for pasta shapes, but not so great for the long and stringy kind, as should be obvious...but my colander was in the dishwasher). Then I added the noodles back to the pot and mixed in the cucumber and cilantro. I also added 1/4 brick of tofu (can someone please tell me the correct terminology for this - is it block? brick? Is it a pound?) Good ratio. I dumped in about 3/4 of the sauce. Mixed well.

This makes two servings, so after portioning it out, divide the remaining sauce and add plenty of lime juice. Lime wedges would be yummy, too...and maybe some crushed peanuts. Ooh, and pea shoots would make a nice garnish. This was delicious served warm and I'll be trying it cold for lunch tomorrow.

And by tomorrow I mean Wednesday...my Internet is finally fast enough to instantly post images to Blogger, so I had to wait until Tuesday to post (oh, and I didn't go to the gym and I'm drinking a glass of red wine). 

P.S. Confessions: I ate a marshmallow Peep last night (gelatin) and I took a slice of veggie stromboli at our lovely, delicious PTO-sponsored lunch (to unveil our new, gorgeous faculty room)...I tried to peel the cheese off, I really did...

P.P.S. If you are interested in any of the Pampered Chef products I've been writing about, please, please visit Elise's shop (and have her host a party while you're at it)! I'll do full reviews soon, once I get the chance to use all of my new stuff! (only the manual food processor and herb keeper remain!) 

Vegan alfredo to (semi) satisfy an Italian

Today hasn't been so different from yesterday. 

I woke up, couldn't open my coconut oil and therefore couldn't oil pull, and felt a bit out of sorts. I've been trying the jar all day and still can't get it. Anyway, I had my water and lemon and then my coffee and putzed around online for a bit. I decided to clean out all of (which ended up being most of) my living room/dining room drawers/cabinets. It took all day, with some pauses to read (Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn) and eat (leftover lentil-quinoa tacos from yesterday), but I got a lot of organizing done. 

Around 3:30, the doldrums really set in. I figured that I might as well cook dinner, which would occupy my time for a while. I decided to make this Simple Veganista alfredo recipe that I've had my eye on for a while.

To start, I boiled a large pot of water and added a head of cauliflower, cut into florets. I left it on the stove for 20 minutes, which gave me plenty of time to do everything else. 

First, I diced and cooked a whole shallot in a tablespoon of olive oil. I let it cook for about 3 minutes, at which point the pieces were mostly brown. 

Then, to get ready to make the "alfredo" sauce, I opened and drained a can of cannellini beans (and got to use my new Pampered Chef can strainer, which is awesome! no more stinky, greasy bean sludge on my hands!). 

I emptied the can into my Ninja, along with a cup of unsweetened almond milk, the shallots, 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg, and 2 tablespoons of nutritional yeast. When the cauliflower was done, I drained it and added that, too. 

I blended that until it was smooth and, after a taste test, added about 3 cloves of garlic (through the garlic press), black pepper, and pink salt. I blended again. That'll do.

I put another tablespoon of olive oil into the pan I used to cook the shallot. Into the pan went a small head of broccoli, cut into small florets; 1/3 cup sundried tomatoes (the kind that comes in the pouch, julienned); 2 crushed cloves of garlic (next time, more!); and a few leaves of kale, ripped into small pieces. I cooked this for about 5 minutes.

Of course, all the while, I'm making whole grain penne. When that was done and drained, I put it back in the pot, tossed in the vegetables, and then poured in the sauce. 

To continue with the multitasking, I made a salad with Organicgirl baby greens,

reduced sugar Craisins, honey toasted almonds (pecans?) (I know that honey isn't vegan; just you wait), and...a little bit of feta cheese. It was in my fridge. It was calling. Besides, I was perusing Alicia Silverstone's book, The Kind Diet, today and even she - Alicia Silverstone! - says she'll eat a piece of cheese or sushi every now and then without beating herself up. Well, once I had the feta on there, I needed kalamata olives, regardless of how gross that may be with cranberries. This got a drizzle of balsamic vinaigrette.

I made a "fiscal cleanse" garlic bread with what I had on hand...a Stop & Shop hamburger roll (stop your judging right now!!!), a spritz of Smart Balance spray (mmmm chemicals...next time, olive oil!), a sprinkle of pink salt, a clove of garlic through the garlic press, and a pinch of oregano.  This went in the toaster oven on dark.

The "alfredo" still looked a tad suspect, and since I had already sprinkled some feta onto my salad, I sifted a liiiiittle bit of fresh shaved Parmesan on top of the pasta and mixed it up. I swear that when I say "liiiiittle," I mean it. I don't even like Parmesan cheese. I realize that it's not the same thing - but to me it is - but I made up a song about Locatelli pecorino romano cheese when I was a little kid (a staple on our dinner table) - I made it up in my head and never sang it out loud, but I think of it when I smell stinky cheese all the same.

When paired with a glass of Three Buck Chuck (in my most prized wine glass, no less), it made for a pretty fancy meal to eat in front of a computer screen playing this week's compilation of Vine videos. 

I already told you about the garlic bread. The salad, believe it or not, was really, really good. I willingly had two helpings! And now for my thoughts on the sauce:

It needs something. Somethings. I did sprinkle on some black pepper and garlic powder, but next time I might try:

• White whine (I spelled it that way by accident, and so it will stay)
• Vegan cream cheese (the sauce was creamy like...hummus creamy, not cream sauce creamy)
• More nutritional yeast (the sauce could use a little more cheesiness...perhaps cashews would work, too?)
• Roasted garlic (instead of raw) / black pepper
• More sun dried tomatoes (in the veggies)

Remember, I have a (half) Italian mother and I live in New Jersey. We

are

serious

about

our

Italian

food!

I'm just exploiting my ethnicity; I'm not really super Italian. But obviously, my mom cooks Italian food better than anyone else I've ever encountered (besides my Grandpop, her dad) and even if she didn't, going to Olive Garden or Pizza Hut in New Jersey is like...going to Taco Bell in SoCal. UNO in Chicago. Mrs. T's pierogies in Pittsburgh. Popeye's in Louisiana. You catch my drift?

So. Knowing that this sauce was vegan(ish) / healthy / high protein / filling, I'd say it was pretty good and worth making again. I will tweak the recipe, though. 

Can I go to bed now?

Rest, relaxation, and recharging

What am I doing up at 4 AM on a Tuesday morning? Drinking a cup of Alka Seltzer is what.

I told myself that I would use this week off to get back on track - eating vegan and going to the gym regularly. I even went all out on Sunday and ordered like 6 things at Chilango's with Steve - the "last meal". I mean, we did climb up a lighthouse (which was much, much scarier than expected and left my thighs feeling much, much burn the next day) so I felt I deserved some calories - plus, I never try anything new at Chilango's (rest assured, we did order fish tacos, too). In all seriousness, that lighthouse climb probably didn't even work off the growler of Comma we split at the beach. I was actually terribly craving Taco Bell, pizza, sushi, pork roll, and McDonald's fries all day, so I'd say I did pretty well regardless. 

On Monday, I woke up before my 9:00 AM alarm, refreshed and totally ready to start the day. I had two things scheduled: 1) Fingerprints for a volunteer position, 2) Physical therapy at a new place and then Briele and I planned to make mimosas and spend the day reading Of Mice and Men outside in preparation for the show next weekend. However, the weather was so nice and I was in such a good mood, I decided we should also have a gigantic (healthy, vegan) picnic at the lake. I was sure that I would get at least somewhat of a workout in at physical therapy.

No. I did no work whatsoever. Normally, I'd say it was great...I got treated with heat, an ultrasound, and a laser, and that was it. There was no time to work out before the picnic.

Okay, maybe I would go to the gym after the picnic. Besides our champagne, cleverly designed as ginger ale (am I going to go to jail for this?), some fruit salad, hummus, and carrots that I already had, Whole Foods provided us with a delicious feast: pasta and roasted vegetables, garlic and lemon olives (OMG), golden sesame tofu (kinda boring), fresh salsa, tortilla chips, and pretzel sticks. We ate and drank and read in the sunshine until our bladders forced us to go back to my house. At that point, there was no turning back from my gluttony. The gym was a lost cause but Quick Check wasn't. I ended up eating two Entenmann's apple pies and two Reese's peanut butter eggs before bed. My vegan diet went out the window and my stomach acid went up my esophagus - hence the 4 AM Alka Seltzer.

Now it's just after noon and although I'm dressed for it, I still can't bring myself to go to the gym. First, I felt that I didn't have enough energy so I made coffee and breakfast. Now, I feel like my allergies and the rain are just zapping me of all drive. 

Now it's 4:36 PM, my apartment is a wreck (there is legit dirt on the floor from a basil plant - just planted! - that blew over), I have an unfinished TV pilot typed up on Google Drive, and I've made two successful meals. I guess if I share the recipes, I will feel somewhat successful today, even if I do go over my calorie limit (WHATEVER. I'm on "vacation" and as long as the food I eat is clean, healthy, and vegan, I DON'T CARE!)

Breakfast: Tofu Ranchero (improvised, but based on a recipe I posted here)

New garlic press and citrus squeezer!

Just like the last time I made a tofu scramble, I sauteed three garlic cloves in a pan greased with Smart Balance spray. This time was more exciting because I got to use one of my new Pampered Chef toys! (I actually used the citrus squeezer early this morning to squeeze a Meyer lemon into a pint of water. It was great!). My new garlic press is soooooo much better than the cheap old one I just tossed in a bag for Goodwill.

After about 3 minutes, I added the tofu - this time I used half a brick (I'm still calling it that) of Nature's Promise extra firm tofu, rinsed, dried, and cut into small cubes. 

At 8 or 9 minutes in, I added three quartered Campari tomatoes (because that was all that I had left). At the 10-minute mark, I added the same spice mixture as last time: a teaspoon of cumin, 1/2 teaspoon of dried thyme, 1/4 teaspoon ground turmeric, 1/2 teaspoon pink Himalayan salt, 1 1/2 tablespoons water. I also added 1/8 cup nutritional yeast, 1/8 cup Whole Foods fresh medium salsa, and black pepper.  I let this cook for 5 more minutes, and then I stirred in half of a sliced avocado. 

I'm so professional, throwing slop on a paper plate

This might look gross, but it was soooooo delicious. The cumin made it taste like there was legit ground meat involved, and the texture could have fooled me, too. In all, this came out to nearly 500 calories, but those are healthy calories, and it kept me full for quite a while. 

Lunch: Lentil & Quinoa Tacos (adapted from this Simple Veganista recipe)

For this very easy meal, I boiled 2 1/2 cups of water along with 3/4 cup red lentils (rinsed) and 1/2 cup quinoa (also rinsed). Once this reached the boiling point, I added a mixture of the following:

- 2 teaspoons cumin
- 1 teaspoon garlic powder
- 1 teaspoon onion powder 
- 1/2 teaspoon pink salt
- Pinch of red pepper flakes

(this reminds me that I also got to use my Pampered Chef adjustable measuring spoons today!)

I stirred that all together (and boy, did it smell good), turned the heat down to low, covered the pot, and let it simmer for 20 minutes. Meanwhile, I prepped for the next steps by washing and slicing a scallion and preparing the dressing:

- 1/4 cup tahini (which means I got to use my new Pampered Chef can opener!)
- 1/2 cup water 
- 1 tablespoon lemon
- Pinch of pink salt
- Pinch of dried parsley
- Pinch of red pepper flakes

When the 20 minutes were up, I added the sliced scallion and a tablespoon of dried parsley to the pot and removed it from the heat. I let that sit for 10 more minutes.

I used all of this goodness to make 3 tacos. I reluctantly purchased corn tortillas, which I hate, because all of the flour tortillas in the grocery store listed about 50 ingredients, 45 of which were unpronounceable. I'm pleased to say that I enjoyed my La Banderita white corn tortillas, which I topped with about 1/3 cup of lentil-quinoa mix, some organic mixed baby greens, a little sliced avocado, and a drizzle of tahini dressing.

No time to worry about presentation

In all, the lentil-quinoa mixture should be enough for 6 servings. After eating 3, coupled with my big breakfast and two servings of coffee, I'm about 100 calories over my limit today...and that's only with 2 healthy meals. I'm trying to fill up on water, but realistically, it's not bedtime yet and I really want wine. 

This has been the most boring day ever.

How much damage can one weekend do?

Counting wine calories

After sitting in a room at the doctor's office for an hour, only to be seen for 10 minutes and told that I need to go see other doctors, how am I expected to go to the gym? It's cold, pouring rain, I'm exhausted, starving, and in a mood, and all I want to do is pour myself a glass of wine (done), stuff my face with hummus (doing), and watch Inside Llewyn Davis while wearing my YogaToes (about to). Oh darn, Chromecast won't work (what else is new?) so I need to go sit in bed and watch this movie?! Can I just resolve to look like Moby Dick and open another bottle of wine and stuff my face with chocolate?

Well, now that I'm on the verge of a migraine for the second time today and my Roku has mysteriously stopped working, I guess I might as well make a real dinner, as opposed to what I've already shoveled into my mouth. Oh great, and now I find out it's National Beer Day or something and I have to pop open an IPA? #lifeissohard

I still had half a brick of tofu (is that the measurement that tofu comes in? bricks?) in the fridge, so I decided to make a tofu scramble. I went grocery shopping yesterday (without a list...living dangerously) and bought a bunch of fresh produce, but there was also some way-old (but still good - thanks TJ's) broccoli in the crisper. This is the tofu-veggie concoction I came up with this time:

Mix together a teaspoon of cumin, 1/2 teaspoon of dried thyme, 1/4 teaspoon ground turmeric, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1 1/2 tablespoons water. Set aside.

Saute 3 minced cloves of garlic in a pan sprayed with Smart Balance. After garlic is browned, throw in HALF A BRICK of drained extra-firm tofu and 1 cup broccoli florets (like, tiny florets). Cook, stirring constantly to break up the tofu, for 10 minutes (throw in 4 quartered Campari tomatoes when it's close to the 10-minute mark). 

Pour in the spice-water mixture, 1/8 cup nutritional yeast, and black pepper. Stir and cook for 5 more minutes. 

This recipe was modified from http://www.theppk.com/2009/10/tof-u-and-tof-me-scrambled-tofu-revisited/ and it was yum.

Oh yeah, I threw some kalamata olives on there for good measure. And I also added 1/2 teaspoon of Trader Joe's whole grain Dijon mustard to the mix when I added the nutritional yeast. 

Now I'm eating more olives. Now I quit counting calories for the night.

I've been ruminating on how much I've been failing at my goals...then I decided that maybe I should make weekly, rather than grandiose long-term, goals. I'm going to make this week's based on some successes I've already had today:

1. Wake up with first (5:30) alarm every work day (I'm already regretting this)
2. Oil pull before work
3. Drink 8 glasses of water a day
4. Stay vegan until Saturday
5. No drinking until Saturday (not counting tonight!)

Well, if I want to get up at 5:30 AM, I'd better get to bed now.

Bulgur wheat for days

Even before I began my vegan experiment, I used to eat couscous several nights a week. This week, I'm all about bulgur wheat. I also finally got back on the vegan horse (which still sounds weird to say; I picture a horse sculpted out of tofu) and worked out 3 out of the 4 days this week. I'm actually not too far from where I was at my weight loss apex (which also sounds like an oxymoron) so I'm hoping to drop another 10 lbs before I have to get into a bikini in LA.

I've been too busy to post lately, but I created an incredible recipe tonight that is sooooo worth sharing. I might, seriously, have another serving. But before I get to the recipe, let's talk about my bulgur bender.

I hosted a Pampered Chef party this past Saturday and was gifted with a ton of leftovers. Sadly, I succumbed to my mom's meatballs after the after party, which was my first taste of beef in 2014. Not so sadly, those leftovers included about a barrel of beer and wine.

On Sunday, I finally had time to cook so I made a few recipes I had shelved for a while - white bean, bulgur, and nectarine salad (I substituted peaches for nectarines and used my leftover party basil and cannellini beans) and green bean curry with peas and cashews (this does not involve bulgur and should totally be eaten as a side, not a meal, unless bulgur is added, of course). I also mixed together some bulgur with the leftover Texas caviar, which I have to say is A-MAZE-ING. It's also basically devoid of calories.

Being that today is Thursday, I'm pretty exhausted by all of the above; I've been eating solely those three things since Monday. Oh wait, that's a lie. Tuesday was taco night. Charlie (the human, not the cat) started preparing the (vegan) Spanish rice with butter so I insisted on making a new box with olive oil instead (Charlie the cat would know better).

Anyway, I have a ton of vegetables and stuff going bad in my fridge so I decided to whip up a new bulgur recipe. And this is what ensued:

I would love to show you the prep and the final product, but for whatever reason, Blogger does not want to upload my photos (another reason I've been neglecting this). Nevertheless, here's what I put together:

- 1 cup of organic yellow squash (about 3/4 of a squash), diced (look at me using words I don't even know the meaning of)

- 1 cup of organic broccoli (about 1 head...is broccoli a head?), chopped

- 1 cup of cannellini beans, drained and rinsed

- 1 cup of grape tomatoes, each cut in half

- 1 cup of extra firm organic tofu, diced

I seasoned all of the above with black pepper and pink Himalayan salt. Then, I added 3 minced cloves of garlic to a preheated skillet, sprayed with Smart Balance cooking spray. and browned for about 2-3 minutes. I added the squash, broccoli, and beans, and sauteed for about 3-4 minutes, stirring often. Then I added the tomatoes and tofu and cooked for another 3-4 minutes, still stirring often. While this cooked, I sprinkled some turmeric, garlic powder (can't have enough garlic), and curry powder on the mixture.

Finally, I added 1/2 cup of Patak's mild curry simmer sauce and let everything cook together for about 5 more minutes, continually stirring. 

I put this lovely, mushy (well, the tofu, anyway) mixture on top of 1/2 cup of cooked bulgur wheat and it was fantastic at 243 calories, 35 carbs, and 4 grams of fat. The tofu cooks down as if it's scrambled eggs in an Indian version of pad thai. 

Look what decided to upload overnight!

And so it ends

The Monday morning after my pizza experiment, my pants were quite loose. This might be because I typically wear pants twice before washing them and they were already stretched out from a previous wear. I would have rather attributed it to my pizza consumption. I was sure that I had stumbled upon the latest weight loss craze: The Pizza Diet. Here's the deal: You eat half of a pizza a day, and you're so thirsty, you drink so much water that you really fill up and don't need anything else. 

Pizza is comprised of several food groups: grain, dairy, vegetable (load that baby up!). For protein, I guess you could add some lean meats or, if you keep vegetarian/vegan (I'm happy to say I've at least been keeping vegetarian pretty strictly as of late), I figured there must be some way to bake a crust out of garbanzo bean flour. 

Well, now it's Wednesday and one Taco Night later, I'm feeling fat again. 

And here's the kicker...I bought myself a very important 30th birthday gift today - a round trip ticket to LAX (the only thing that would make it better would be if it was a one-way ticket) for the first week in July. Siobhan is going out for a wedding the 4th of July, and Briele and I are both obsessed with the left coast, so we've been talking about this for a while and saw a great deal today and just had to do it. 

I don't feel like posting a picture of my California-themed living room, but I think this probably shows even more commitment: 

I once considered a "manifest destiny" tattoo until I thought about how the idea of manifest destiny was linked to Native American extermination. Good thing I sat on that one. I've wanted to move west ever since I first visited California in April 2012. This will be my fifth time back since then. I'd still like to move there, but I actively applied for jobs for a while and got discouraged. If I had the time, I would resume my search. Briele went to college there and misses it, too. 

This is all important because if I am going to be in SoCal in July, I clearly need to get back on the wagon. It's obvious that my metabolism has greatly slowed down since I'm damn near 30. It seemed pretty easy to lose that 10 lbs, but it came back on even more easily. It's gotta go again...I hereby vow that, starting Monday (this is what I always say, but not always on the Internet, and we know that everything on the Internet is official and true), I am committing to a 100% vegan diet, 1200 calories per day (let's be realistic; I'll allow myself two cheat days), and I must go to the gym 5 days a week (I think I told Briele 7 but again, let's be realistic. I already known I'm working a 13 hour day on Tuesday with no break and the gym ain't happening then). 

Let me reiterate: 

• 100% vegan through the end of June (with a pass for March 29, April 4-5, April 12-13, April 19-20, Memorial Day Weekend, and June 14-15 only) (see how fickle I am?! I already have lots of plans that may include cheese)
• 1200 calories per day with 2 cheat days per week
• Work out for at least 30 minutes at least 5 days per week (note how I conveniently left out the word "gym")

Now it's time to finish this bottle of wine and say goodbye to these garlic knots.

Wannabe Vegan Can't Stop Eating Pizza

After suffering through what was probably the worst migraine I've ever had in my life, I finally regained my appetite around 9 PM on Friday. All I could think about was pizza. 

If you've ever been to my house, you know that I am lucky enough to live next door to a very amazing pizza place. When I first moved here in September of 2011, after we got all of my stuff inside, my mom ordered a pie and wings and got to know the owner a little bit. Although I won't divulge the name and address of said pizzeria because that would give away my own address, they've been there for 40 years and the whole family is always there working. Even though I lost power for two weeks after Hurricane Sandy, this pizzeria had a generator and (when I wasn't running away to my cousin's house in unaffected South Jersey) I would go sit there and eat to while away the time (and when I was in South Jersey, I would call them to see if my power was back on!).

Anyway, there is more than one problem with living next door to a reputable pizzeria: 1) When you get home, all you can smell is garlic and awesomeness, and it becomes difficult to avoid eating pizza every single day and 2) Sometimes you're just too lazy to put on pants and walk there, but you're also way too embarrassed to ask them to deliver.

The latter was my problem on Friday night - so, I did what I always do in these situations and I ordered from somewhere else. I usually choose the pizza place around the corner - it's technically walkable, but slightly less embarrassing to ask them to deliver.  This time, however, I decided to try somewhere new. I DON'T KNOW WHY.

With tip and delivery, this pie came to $16 - a pretty hefty sum when large plains go for $8 on certain days of the week. I think the delivery guy got lost, because he called me for directions (WHO DOESN'T HAVE GPS?!) and the pizza was a little cold when it arrived (and it wasn't in one of those special delivery bags when he came to my door). It also looked like it didn't sit evenly in the car on the way over and some of the cheese shifted to the left side of the pie. Basically, it was gooey and sloppy and hard to even separate into slices. However, my Facebook post "Date night with my <3" and this picture caused an uproar:

It was then that I decided I would try a new challenge: an all-pizza diet all weekend. Now this was something I would have no trouble doing. 

I housed three slices and fell asleep on the couch watching True Detective. When I woke up, I had another slice and was ready to face the day. 

I had some errands to run, which included grocery shopping, and I picked up a few things for Flynn, who is still recovering from surgery and can't drive yet. Before I left Stop & Shop, I texted "I'm starving. Pizza?" and before he could answer, I threw a Newman's Own margherita into my cart. When I got there, we threw that sucker in the oven and then cut it in half when it was ready.

It was not as good as I remembered.

Anyway, somehow this held me over for the whole day. Soooooo to me, eating half a pizza mid-day sounds like a legit diet plan, right?

Well, at 9 AM today, I was starving and I knew that it would be next to impossible to find a pizzeria that was open. I actually debated trying the Pizza Hut at the rest stop on the Garden State Parkway (which reminded me that I live in the GARDEN STATE, which might as well be called the PIZZA STATE and we don't do that). In my consternation, I discovered this app

but that didn't open any pizzerias or allow me to time travel. I decided that I would have to go to the grocery store and see my frozen options - but I'd avoid Newman's Own this time (which is hard to do since Paul Newman is such a dreamboat, even in old man cartoon form). 

I'll take a slice of that

And that

And this

But also this

And this!

And let's throw in young Marlon with a cat for good measure 

Anyway, I got stuck going to the A&P, which is my least favorite grocery store (who ranks grocery stores? Me.) and their frozen pizza game was lacking. But then I saw the holy grail of frozen delicacies...allow me to backtrack to the fall of 2012. 

One day, I drove into the city with Steve to visit his friend Dylan and I decided not to leave. I mean, obviously not forever, but I stayed another night. I think Mike and I planned to watch football on his roof or something. I ended up going to see The Divine Fits at Webster Hall. 

It was random. The next day, before I hopped on a train and got miserably lost trying to walk home from the train station, I walked the Highline with Stacey. 

After enjoying the beautiful October weather (my favorite) we went on a hunt for food (you know where this is going by now). Stacey said we had to try Artichoke Pizza. I love artichokes, I love pizza...it was a match made in heaven.

Okay, now fast forward to 9:30 AM today...I'm weighing my (lack of) options at A&P when I spot FROZEN ARTICHOKE PIZZA! 

After a heated internal debate over artichoke vs. margherita, I took my artichoke pizza to the self checkout and tried to resist skipping back to my car. 

Twelve minutes in the oven and I was in delicious bliss.

This is NOT made by the guys at Artichoke Basille's because it says "Product of Canada"

But those Canadians got it right

Well, I am ready for a pizza-fueled nap before I wake up to eat more pizza.