And so it ends

The Monday morning after my pizza experiment, my pants were quite loose. This might be because I typically wear pants twice before washing them and they were already stretched out from a previous wear. I would have rather attributed it to my pizza consumption. I was sure that I had stumbled upon the latest weight loss craze: The Pizza Diet. Here's the deal: You eat half of a pizza a day, and you're so thirsty, you drink so much water that you really fill up and don't need anything else. 

Pizza is comprised of several food groups: grain, dairy, vegetable (load that baby up!). For protein, I guess you could add some lean meats or, if you keep vegetarian/vegan (I'm happy to say I've at least been keeping vegetarian pretty strictly as of late), I figured there must be some way to bake a crust out of garbanzo bean flour. 

Well, now it's Wednesday and one Taco Night later, I'm feeling fat again. 

And here's the kicker...I bought myself a very important 30th birthday gift today - a round trip ticket to LAX (the only thing that would make it better would be if it was a one-way ticket) for the first week in July. Siobhan is going out for a wedding the 4th of July, and Briele and I are both obsessed with the left coast, so we've been talking about this for a while and saw a great deal today and just had to do it. 

I don't feel like posting a picture of my California-themed living room, but I think this probably shows even more commitment: 

I once considered a "manifest destiny" tattoo until I thought about how the idea of manifest destiny was linked to Native American extermination. Good thing I sat on that one. I've wanted to move west ever since I first visited California in April 2012. This will be my fifth time back since then. I'd still like to move there, but I actively applied for jobs for a while and got discouraged. If I had the time, I would resume my search. Briele went to college there and misses it, too. 

This is all important because if I am going to be in SoCal in July, I clearly need to get back on the wagon. It's obvious that my metabolism has greatly slowed down since I'm damn near 30. It seemed pretty easy to lose that 10 lbs, but it came back on even more easily. It's gotta go again...I hereby vow that, starting Monday (this is what I always say, but not always on the Internet, and we know that everything on the Internet is official and true), I am committing to a 100% vegan diet, 1200 calories per day (let's be realistic; I'll allow myself two cheat days), and I must go to the gym 5 days a week (I think I told Briele 7 but again, let's be realistic. I already known I'm working a 13 hour day on Tuesday with no break and the gym ain't happening then). 

Let me reiterate: 

• 100% vegan through the end of June (with a pass for March 29, April 4-5, April 12-13, April 19-20, Memorial Day Weekend, and June 14-15 only) (see how fickle I am?! I already have lots of plans that may include cheese)
• 1200 calories per day with 2 cheat days per week
• Work out for at least 30 minutes at least 5 days per week (note how I conveniently left out the word "gym")

Now it's time to finish this bottle of wine and say goodbye to these garlic knots.

Wannabe Vegan Can't Stop Eating Pizza

After suffering through what was probably the worst migraine I've ever had in my life, I finally regained my appetite around 9 PM on Friday. All I could think about was pizza. 

If you've ever been to my house, you know that I am lucky enough to live next door to a very amazing pizza place. When I first moved here in September of 2011, after we got all of my stuff inside, my mom ordered a pie and wings and got to know the owner a little bit. Although I won't divulge the name and address of said pizzeria because that would give away my own address, they've been there for 40 years and the whole family is always there working. Even though I lost power for two weeks after Hurricane Sandy, this pizzeria had a generator and (when I wasn't running away to my cousin's house in unaffected South Jersey) I would go sit there and eat to while away the time (and when I was in South Jersey, I would call them to see if my power was back on!).

Anyway, there is more than one problem with living next door to a reputable pizzeria: 1) When you get home, all you can smell is garlic and awesomeness, and it becomes difficult to avoid eating pizza every single day and 2) Sometimes you're just too lazy to put on pants and walk there, but you're also way too embarrassed to ask them to deliver.

The latter was my problem on Friday night - so, I did what I always do in these situations and I ordered from somewhere else. I usually choose the pizza place around the corner - it's technically walkable, but slightly less embarrassing to ask them to deliver.  This time, however, I decided to try somewhere new. I DON'T KNOW WHY.

With tip and delivery, this pie came to $16 - a pretty hefty sum when large plains go for $8 on certain days of the week. I think the delivery guy got lost, because he called me for directions (WHO DOESN'T HAVE GPS?!) and the pizza was a little cold when it arrived (and it wasn't in one of those special delivery bags when he came to my door). It also looked like it didn't sit evenly in the car on the way over and some of the cheese shifted to the left side of the pie. Basically, it was gooey and sloppy and hard to even separate into slices. However, my Facebook post "Date night with my <3" and this picture caused an uproar:

It was then that I decided I would try a new challenge: an all-pizza diet all weekend. Now this was something I would have no trouble doing. 

I housed three slices and fell asleep on the couch watching True Detective. When I woke up, I had another slice and was ready to face the day. 

I had some errands to run, which included grocery shopping, and I picked up a few things for Flynn, who is still recovering from surgery and can't drive yet. Before I left Stop & Shop, I texted "I'm starving. Pizza?" and before he could answer, I threw a Newman's Own margherita into my cart. When I got there, we threw that sucker in the oven and then cut it in half when it was ready.

It was not as good as I remembered.

Anyway, somehow this held me over for the whole day. Soooooo to me, eating half a pizza mid-day sounds like a legit diet plan, right?

Well, at 9 AM today, I was starving and I knew that it would be next to impossible to find a pizzeria that was open. I actually debated trying the Pizza Hut at the rest stop on the Garden State Parkway (which reminded me that I live in the GARDEN STATE, which might as well be called the PIZZA STATE and we don't do that). In my consternation, I discovered this app

but that didn't open any pizzerias or allow me to time travel. I decided that I would have to go to the grocery store and see my frozen options - but I'd avoid Newman's Own this time (which is hard to do since Paul Newman is such a dreamboat, even in old man cartoon form). 

I'll take a slice of that

And that

And this

But also this

And this!

And let's throw in young Marlon with a cat for good measure 

Anyway, I got stuck going to the A&P, which is my least favorite grocery store (who ranks grocery stores? Me.) and their frozen pizza game was lacking. But then I saw the holy grail of frozen delicacies...allow me to backtrack to the fall of 2012. 

One day, I drove into the city with Steve to visit his friend Dylan and I decided not to leave. I mean, obviously not forever, but I stayed another night. I think Mike and I planned to watch football on his roof or something. I ended up going to see The Divine Fits at Webster Hall. 

It was random. The next day, before I hopped on a train and got miserably lost trying to walk home from the train station, I walked the Highline with Stacey. 

After enjoying the beautiful October weather (my favorite) we went on a hunt for food (you know where this is going by now). Stacey said we had to try Artichoke Pizza. I love artichokes, I love pizza...it was a match made in heaven.

Okay, now fast forward to 9:30 AM today...I'm weighing my (lack of) options at A&P when I spot FROZEN ARTICHOKE PIZZA! 

After a heated internal debate over artichoke vs. margherita, I took my artichoke pizza to the self checkout and tried to resist skipping back to my car. 

Twelve minutes in the oven and I was in delicious bliss.

This is NOT made by the guys at Artichoke Basille's because it says "Product of Canada"

But those Canadians got it right

Well, I am ready for a pizza-fueled nap before I wake up to eat more pizza.